11 8 / 2014
Yesterday i overheard a guy who looked really upset tell someone over the phone, “She keeps snapchatting all these random dudes.” He was shaking his head. He looked so distraught.
"i’m insecure that a girl i’m seeing is sending single-view photos and videos to several other men" is what he was saying. "She is mass-distributing temporary content to other suitors," he basically lamented.
We live in the weirdest future.
And flirting in the future now involves sending very fleeting messages. They self-destruct, like Mission Impossible assignments, only the mission is flirting. “Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to totally like this cute selfie i just sent you ;-)”
The photo’s recipients don’t know who else got them, too. Like who else got that leggy photo of you in the dark? Just one person, or “all these random dudes” too? They don’t know. They’ll never know. Because it’s the future and everything is worse-defined than ever before. Like yeah you’re Facebook friends but are you real friends? Was that a real date or just a hangout? Why doesn’t anyone respond to my texts? i know you got the fucking text, debra. turn read receipts off if you didn’t want me to know, for fuck’s sake
23 5 / 2014
The extra notes saying things like “LOL this is great” or “THIS” that get reblogged along with the meaningful content
Usage coined by tehawesome and me
I never fully understood the need for that extra line on a popular post. Like, you should know a post is funny without that last line of someone going “adsfa;dslfjadfsl i’m dying right now i can’t even!!!!” And yet I’m sure those lines are helping the post’s popularity because it’s a strong indication that someone really enjoyed it and you might want to give it a little more attention.
23 4 / 2014
A hipster argument in which one person does not understand what a hipster is
- 1: "Ugh, this is such a hipster neighborhood."
- 2: "This is NOT a hipster neighborhood."
- 1: "Look at all the park space! Tons of trees and shade."
- 2: "I mean, yeah, but that doesn't make it a hipster neighborhood."
- 1: "It's obvious! Just look at the ground! Twigs everywhere. I bet the hipsters are using them to build their dumb hipster nests."
- 2: "Is 'nest' slang for something I don't know about, or... ?"
- 1: "And can you hear the hipsters cawing their weird music from the trees? Fucking hipsters."
- 2: "Those are birds. You're confusing hipsters with birds."
- 1: "Call them what you want, I just don't like hipsters. I mean, sure, it's cute when a baby hipster hatches from an egg, but-"
- 2: "Nope, not hipsters. Definitely birds."
- 1: "Whatever, let's find your car and get out of here before hipsters peck our eyes out, like in that Alfred Hitchcock movie The Hipsters."
- 2: "Pretty sure that movie was called something elseOH GODDAMN IT, I parked my car under this tree and now there's bird shit all over it."
- 1: "Fucking hipsters!"
- 2: "Fucking hipsters."