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Tons of people making pretty much the same Game of Thrones / musical chairs joke.
Reminds me of that time everyone made everything bagel jokes. (Though those really only shared a premise, whereas these musical chairs jokes are pretty much the same joke.)
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Every fan page post is an opportunity to leave a really stupid comment to amuse yourself.
(FYI Thief is a game, not a dude.)
“Hey guys, most of you don’t know me, just wanted to let you know that I have no sense of what’s appropriate and now I’m leaving.”
Thanks buddy I had diarrhea last night have a good one.
Gaze on the awesomeness.
This is actually one continuous shirt and this photo marks the beginning of Jon and I starting a new life together.
That Dove video is right. Women can have such negative self-images.
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There’s this convenience store down an unassuming hallway in the Thompson Center downtown, and strung across the entrance in red letters is the phrase, “HAPPY BIRTHDAY EVERYONE!” This cracks me up every time I walk by it.
What is this guy trying to say? Have a great day, everyone? Or is he shooting for that “even a stuck clock is right twice a day” thing, but with a calendar? “One day I’ll catch a lady on her birthday, and then it’s like, boom! Slam dunk. She’ll think, ‘How did he know???’ and I’ll shoot her this confident nod and then sell her cigarettes or whatever. Here are your cigarettes, Future Wife.”
This made me realize that I rarely see “happy birthday” messages for groups of people. Maybe your work buys a cake for all the January birthdays in January, but even then, that’s a short list, and there’s some logic to it. (Logically, there are too many of you for the company to care about individually.) But happy birthday EVERYONE? That almost sounds mean-spirited. “Fucking whatever. Happy birthday everyone. Who cares. Everything is bullshit. I hope your cake is made of poison shit.”
But this sign looks so amateurish, so naive that it’s probably the work of some clerk with good intentions and a poor grasp of English and I’ll be damned if that isn’t just adorable.
So I read recently that the latest season of the French version of Survivor was canceled because a contestent DIED during filming. That’s terrible news.
But what if, uh… what if he wasn’t disqualified? Like, there wasn’t a rule for that, so they kept him around? And maybe it’s done Weekend at Bernie’s style.
So they go to the voting ceremony for one round, and this one contestant Kay is really badmouthing Steve, the recently dead guy. And everyone gets a turn in the voting booth, giving their testimonials, and people are saying things like, “Kay was kind of rude today, but Steve IS dead, so that won’t help our team win challenges. But I dunno I just don’t like Kay’s negativity.”
Next guy goes up. “Kay’s a real asshole,” and he shows his vote for Kay.
Cut to Steve in the testimonial booth and he’s just a dead body wearing sunglasses. Caption: “(Steve abstains)”
French Jeff Probst reads the results. Kay is voted out.
Kay is like “WHAT THE FUCK” and gets out of there.
A cheering circle forms with Steve in it, and everyone is really excited. Maybe Steve’s sunglasses fall off in all the celebrating, and someone puts them back on him.
I’ve watched the BBC’s Sherlock, so now I think that it’s important to notice small details. It’s stupid but I’m sure I’m not the only one who does this.
This morning I noticed a coworker drinking a particular type of coffee, and that told me how she gets to work, because that particular coffee shop only exists near a particular train station.
So now I know more about that coworker’s commute based on her coffee cup, and I feel pretty smart about it.
But the ONLY way that knowledge will EVER be useful to me is if that coworker is framed for murder. So here I am, sort of wishing she gets framed for murder so I can share my fun fact with everyone.
Like, someone bursts into the office in a panic. “Karen’s been taken away by the police! She’s accused of murdering someone on a bus this morning during her commute to work!”
Then I stand up and proclaim, “Nonsense! She takes a train that comes out of Millennium Station! I know that because of her RoM coffee cup that one time! She’s innocent!”
Karen is immediately released from jail because of my watertight logic, and I am hoisted on everyone’s shoulders and carried into a red convertible outside, which immediately leads a spontaneous parade in my honor.
I am given a sash that says “#1 COFFEE NOTICER.”
After a couple hours, the marching band is exhausted from playing “The Star-Spangled Banner” 30 times in a row, but it presses on, because I’m such a smart guy and it’s worth it.
But no. Instead, I’m just sitting here with this information, very much paradeless. And I’ll continue feeling pretty clever about my logic so long as that particular coffee shop doesn’t open any more goddamn locations.
Some people asked valid questions; others panicked.
The people who make things were confused, and the people who manage stuff and go to meetings all day lied.
Is that kafkaesque?
Also I turned into a cockroach
I discovered something on RottenTomatoes the other week: Every movie has a page for user-submitted quotes.
And the thing is, some movies look predictable and bad. 21 and Over seems like the type of movie that’d get released as Drunk Kids Party in another country and that title would make more sense. It just doesn’t look like a fresh premise at all.
So I was chatting with Nick, and I started making up quotes for this crappy-looking movie I’d only seen 30-second commercials for.
Anyway, I thought I’d try to sneak one of my fake quotes by the RottenTomatoes moderators and it totally worked. I guess what I’m saying is follow your dreams.