I discovered something on RottenTomatoes the other week: Every movie has a page for user-submitted quotes. And the thing is, some movies look predictable and bad. 21 and Over seems like the type of movie that’d get released as Drunk Kids Party in another country and that title would make more sense. It just doesn’t look like a fresh premise at all. So I was chatting with Nick, and I started making up quotes for this crappy-looking movie I’d only seen 30-second commercials for. “Of course I’m drinking beer! I’m 21 and over, man!” “I’m 21 and over with!” “Being 21 is awesome! I just did a million shots!” “Oh no it’s the cops, they’re mad I’m so 21!” Anyway, I thought I’d try to sneak one of my fake quotes by the RottenTomatoes moderators and it totally worked. I guess what I’m saying is follow your dreams.
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I discovered something on RottenTomatoes the other week: Every movie has a page for user-submitted quotes.

And the thing is, some movies look predictable and bad. 21 and Over seems like the type of movie that’d get released as Drunk Kids Party in another country and that title would make more sense. It just doesn’t look like a fresh premise at all.

So I was chatting with Nick, and I started making up quotes for this crappy-looking movie I’d only seen 30-second commercials for.

  • “Of course I’m drinking beer! I’m 21 and over, man!”
  • “I’m 21 and over with!”
  • “Being 21 is awesome! I just did a million shots!”
  • “Oh no it’s the cops, they’re mad I’m so 21!”

Anyway, I thought I’d try to sneak one of my fake quotes by the RottenTomatoes moderators and it totally worked. I guess what I’m saying is follow your dreams.

slacktory:

buzzfeed:

Go Daddy’s Super Bowl commercial = :(

Hello, we are Go Daddy, a website for buying websites! Our website name comes from the fact that we were all raised by single mothers. “Go, Daddy! We are alone with mom now!” We are very sad.

Do you like nerds kissing? What if the nerd is kissing a pretty lady? The nerd has a skin condition.

What if we teased you with the promise of softcore pornography on our website? Would you buy more websites from us? We heard people love internet porn, so we pretend we have it, but we clearly don’t. Like, we can’t show you Danica Patrick’s vagina, but we’ll act like we can, and that her vagina is on our website. But it’s not. Her vagina is on her body, under some clothes, offline. Sorry :-(

Do you want to tweet about our nerd kiss? Use the hashtag #thekiss so we can track you and see how well our nerd kiss did with Twitter. Join the conversation! That’s something us Twitter gurus say! Haha, join the conversation! It’s not really a conversation, though. It’s just people shouting into a void.

Anyway have fun watching the Super Bowl and don’t forget to buy websites from us! You’re welcome for the nerd kiss!!!

Btw I still post stuff on the Slacktory Tumblr every once in a while.

Source: buzzfeed

How every scandal plays out in Downton Abbey

Person 1 does something they are not supposed to do because it violated social rules or etiquette or whatever.

Person 2 says, “My heavens! Why did you do that thing?”

Person 1 says, “I apologize! I made a simple mistake.”

LATER

Person 3 whispers to Person 4, “Did you hear about Person 1? They did that thing!”

Person 4 replies, “I can’t believe that person did that thing given their standing in society! That is a thing they were not supposed to do! We have unspoken rules here.”

Person 3: “I know! it’s outrageous, or rather, the old-timey word for ‘outrageous’! It is the past!”

(Everyone exchanges loaded glances with everyone else, in every scene, forever.)

Person 5 “Electricity and cars! My heavens! Hey did you hear about that thing Person 1 did?”

CREDITS

The above is an image from Reagan.com, a website that will sell you an @Reagan.com email address. The website’s message is basically this: Don’t trust free email addresses!! A shifty-eyed man is going to open all your emails! But you know who you CAN trust? RONALD REAGAN. Ronald Reagan would never read your emails. He probably never used email! He’s a patriot, and a ghost. For just $40 a year, you can have an email address that tells everyone, “Hey, bub, these colors don’t run! Plus I really like Ronald Reagan!” Now even your most casual emails can be vaguely political! That fee you pay us might benefit a working-class mom someday. That’s trickle down email-nomics, baby! Reagan.com will not copy, scan, or sell one word of your emails because it doesn’t know how to use the computer that good. Rest in peace, Ronald Reagan! Hope you’re up there not reading emails in heaven!
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The above is an image from Reagan.com, a website that will sell you an @Reagan.com email address. The website’s message is basically this:

Don’t trust free email addresses!! A shifty-eyed man is going to open all your emails!

But you know who you CAN trust? RONALD REAGAN. Ronald Reagan would never read your emails. He probably never used email! He’s a patriot, and a ghost.

For just $40 a year, you can have an email address that tells everyone, “Hey, bub, these colors don’t run! Plus I really like Ronald Reagan!” Now even your most casual emails can be vaguely political!

That fee you pay us might benefit a working-class mom someday. That’s trickle down email-nomics, baby!

Reagan.com will not copy, scan, or sell one word of your emails because it doesn’t know how to use the computer that good.

Rest in peace, Ronald Reagan! Hope you’re up there not reading emails in heaven!

Ronald Reagan ha ha emails!

I think teenagers are googling “I hate my mom” and ending up on our page. And then, in their rush to blurt out whatever angry thought is on their mind, they’re just jumping to the comment section and dumping their rage there.

Slacktory: The comments section for our “30 Teenagers Saying ‘I Hate My Mom’ on Facebook” has become an angry teenager mom-hate lounge

Nick pointed out to me that we were getting weird comments on an old post, so I wrote this up to try and explain what’s going on. It’s an odd phenomenon and I still don’t fully understand it, but I think this makes for an interesting read.

(via nickdouglas)

Source: slacktory.com

Henry's Coconut Curry Cauliflower Mash recipe (that he learned from a book)

classyfoodmofo:

image

This dish is super tasty and takes about 25 minutes to make. It’s from the book The 4-Hour Chef. I’ve successfully prepared it 4 times now, so this is all from memory.

This dish serves 2 adults, and makes a nice side dish.

ATTENTION people who eat food! I’m learning how to cook so I shared one of my new favorite recipes on Classy Food, Motherfucker. I’ve made this dish four times in the last two weeks and it’s delicious.

I have very strong opinions about the Trix Rabbit, apparently

Today I learned that the Trix Rabbit has been endlessly pursuing Trix since the late 1950s. That’s insane.

What’s even more messed up is that General Mills admits they let him have Trix, but only twice:

Foiled repeatedly since 1957 by being told,“Silly Rabbit, Trix are for kids,” the Trix Rabbit eventually tasted Trix in 1976 and 1980 following box-top voting campaigns.

Have children EVER thought the Trix Rabbit didn’t deserve to eat breakfast cereal? It’s like General Mills is saying, “Hey kids, we kept Trix away from this rabbit! You’re welcome!” and kids are like “Dude, what the fuck? We don’t care.”

Kids voted for him to have the cereal twice before I was even born. And come to think of it, they pulled that same type of write-in campaign bullshit with me when I was a kid. From what I remember, the Trix Rabbit won a race, and the winner got a box of cereal(!). The Trix Rabbit won, and then some asshole kid in the commercial was like, “Wait a minute, rabbits can’t win a race and get cereal! What do you think, kids?” And then the kids voted for one of two options (and I’m paraphrasing here): “Don’t give him the cereal” and “Just give him the fucking cereal already, Jesus Christ what the fuck.”

Then of course the kids voted to let him have the goddamn Trix, because what type of monsters would delight in watching a rabbit suffer for decades? General Mills made a commercial to announce the results. It showed the Trix Rabbit getting the trophy but not the Trix (the kids in the commercial stole it), and then the commercial ended with the Trix Rabbit sobbing with a gun barrel in his mouth? I could be wrong; my memory’s fuzzy. Maybe they didn’t let him keep the trophy, I don’t remember.

The most messed up thing is that he’s the TRIX RABBIT. He’s named after the very thing he’s forbidden from having. Like if my Uncle Steve got through AA and stayed sober, we wouldn’t keep calling him The Whiskey Uncle because he can’t drink whiskey anymore.

The Wire, but with horses

I found out recently that there was a murder a few blocks over from where I live. This is terrible news and I’m sad to hear it, but I’m not worried. I’m in a pretty nice neighborhood, but then if you go west a few blocks, things take a turn.

The weirdest part about this news is that the murder happened at an intersection with horses. You know those horse carriages that only tourists take when they visit downtown Chicago, so there’s just this fleet of horse carriages wafting a cloud of horse shit odor around the Mag Mile? This is where those carriage horses live, and this lot is where off-duty horses hang out all day before it gets dark and they presumably go back inside their little shared horse condo or whatever. (I’ve posted about this horse lot before.)

So I got to thinking: Are these… crime horses? Like, horses that participate in and/or investigate crimes? Which naturally led to imagining something like The Wire but with horses.

  • A horse walks around its little lot, but it’s got cocaine in its saddlebags, and it’s always carrying a knife in its big horse teeth. It wears a little horse bandanna to let you know which gang it’s in (or maybe its owner tied it there because it looks so handsome on him).
  • A smaller horse rides a larger horse and performs a driveby.
  • A cop explains to another cop. ““I’ve been watching their operation. buyers give money to a first horse, then they trot down the street and pick up drugs from that second horse”
  • “We’ve set up a wire” (turns up speakers and all you can hear is whinnying)
  • A cop visits the bad part of town to visit his horse informant, who lives in a graffitied barn. After he gets the information he needs, he covertly slips an apple into his informant’s open mouth.
  • “Look what we found in the latest shipment” (smashes oat with his fist, and you can see there was a balloon thingy of heroin inside it)
  • Two horses investigate a crime scene. As they slowly put the pieces together, the only word either of them says is “Neigh”

My friend just posted a status on Facebook. It was clearly his girlfriend who posted it, but she posted it under his name. She probably just went on his computer, and he was still signed in, so she posted this cute little message as him:

My girlfriend is the bomb. I love her. I will get her coffee in the morning. I will rub her feet. Whatever she desires, I’m there.

And I think that’s fine. I think newer couples do that. It shows that they’re spending more time together. Maybe they have a strong enough relationship now where it’s okay that she violate his trust just a little bit, just to make this little “My girlfriend is the best” post on his account. I realize that this is probably just a way for her to tell him she likes him.

I also realize that I could fuck everything up for him by commenting, “Which one?”