08 11 / 2013
him: how come the google.com image today is just a different drawing of a penis every time???
me: Are you crazy? That is definitely a vag.
him: are you sure? i keep refreshing and it’s just dicks dicks dicks
me: Or maybe it’s… my father…?
him: here’s a reply to your comment I refuse to post “I see my mom… made out of dicks? and she’s looking hot!!!!!”
me: I mean, if you posted that, I’d probably stab my own eyes out…
(Btw the Google homepage today gives you a random Rorschach test.)
09 9 / 2013
Did you know that whenever the President poops outside the White House, someone has to collect his poop so our enemies can’t analyze it to find out his medications, weaknesses, etc.?
You think the White House makes an intern do it? Like, an intern with a plastic baggy follows the President around like he’s a dog walker? As in, the President makes a little poopie and then the intern goes into the Wendy’s men’s room or whatever and picks up the poop so the Taliban can’t have it.
And then after the poop is collected, maybe the poop goes into a lil’ scrap book or something. A scrap book of presidential poop secrets.
28 8 / 2013
Like my “main” Chrome window - the one I was actively using - they each had Gmail, Facebook, and Tumblr open (among other miscellaneous tabs).
How long ago did I abandon those browser windows? Why would I open a new browser window and start over?
In one college psych class, I learned about fugue state amnesia. With it, people suddenly forget everything about their lives, so one day they just up and move away from their jobs and loved ones, and they go someplace else and assume a new identity. They can go off and start a new family without having any idea they already had one.
I know it was just a few stray browser windows, but it made me feel like one of those people.