There are two signs in the front window of the fudge shop in my neighborhood. One says, “FREE FUDGE SAMPLES,” and I read that and I think, “Hey, great! They have free fudge samples!” Then, on the other side of the window, the second one says, in the exact same lettering, “SURVEILLANCE CAMERAS.” Are they bragging, then? “We have fudge samples and cameras!” It’s like the two signs have this weird good cop/bad cop dynamic. “COME ON IN FOR SNACKS BUT IF YOU ROB US WE WILL CATCH YOU.” How inviting, then not! They could have just gotten one larger sign that says “SURVEILLANCE CAMERAS ARE WATCHING YOU ENJOY OUR FREE SAMPLES.” That’d work, right? Then maybe there’d be this drawing of a cartoon surveillance camera drooling at the fudge. That way it’s like, yeah, the cameras are watching you, but they’re watching you have a good time! But then why would a camera be hungry? Cameras don’t eat fudge. You don’t just create a cartoon character only to force him to watch other people eat fudge. That’s a horrible thing to do to a thing you just made. So maybe the people eating the fudge have cameras for heads? Like, they all live in a world where people have cameras for heads, and sometimes the cameras get to eat fudge, and other times they just watch people eat fudge. That sounds like a narrative fit for a fudge shop, right? “Welcome to Kilwin’s, Home of the Surrealist Camera Head Universe and Also Fudge.” I am a genius.
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There are two signs in the front window of the fudge shop in my neighborhood.

One says, “FREE FUDGE SAMPLES,” and I read that and I think, “Hey, great! They have free fudge samples!”

Then, on the other side of the window, the second one says, in the exact same lettering, “SURVEILLANCE CAMERAS.” Are they bragging, then? “We have fudge samples and cameras!”

It’s like the two signs have this weird good cop/bad cop dynamic. “COME ON IN FOR SNACKS BUT IF YOU ROB US WE WILL CATCH YOU.” How inviting, then not!

They could have just gotten one larger sign that says “SURVEILLANCE CAMERAS ARE WATCHING YOU ENJOY OUR FREE SAMPLES.” That’d work, right?

Then maybe there’d be this drawing of a cartoon surveillance camera drooling at the fudge. That way it’s like, yeah, the cameras are watching you, but they’re watching you have a good time!

But then why would a camera be hungry? Cameras don’t eat fudge. You don’t just create a cartoon character only to force him to watch other people eat fudge. That’s a horrible thing to do to a thing you just made.

So maybe the people eating the fudge have cameras for heads? Like, they all live in a world where people have cameras for heads, and sometimes the cameras get to eat fudge, and other times they just watch people eat fudge.

That sounds like a narrative fit for a fudge shop, right?

“Welcome to Kilwin’s, Home of the Surrealist Camera Head Universe and Also Fudge.”

I am a genius.

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  1. tehawesome posted this

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