@tehawesome

There probably isn’t a superhero who swings eels around

There’s got to be a superhero that just swings around an agitated eel as a weapon, right? Because that would be awesome.

He’d crash through a window and swing his eel at a bunch of bank robbers while wearing his special eel-touching gloves. And they’d be all like “Oh no, an eel! It has the power of electricity inside its body! Plus it’s all weird-lookin’! You win, guy swinging an eel, you win!”

But then he’d probably have to keep a tank of eels at his base, and the aquarium bills would most likely be through the roof. One day he’d come home from a weekend camping trip and find that he forgot to check the pH levels in his “eel-quarium” before he left, so then all of his eels are dead. Then he’d try swinging a dead eel at bad guys and they’d just laugh and laugh, because where’s your electricity now, you stupid dead eel? Then when he’s taking the subway home someone from PETA sees him and dumps red paint all over him, so then he has to walk back to his apartment with a dead eel and a bunch of paint all over his good costume.

Then later he’s at the laundromat washing his costume and looking at a fish supplies catalog entitled “Age of Aquariums” when he gets to wondering, “Should I use my student loan money to buy more eels or should I try to get more hours at the Office Max?”

His washer buzzes and he finds an open dryer, only to discover that he’s out of quarters and he left his wallet in his other spandex costume (the one he just got done washing).

“My life is a nightmare,” he thinks.

So I guess that’s why there isn’t a superhero who swings eels around. Never mind.