@tehawesome

This is the best unintentionally horrifying video I’ve seen in a long time. There’s hardly a second in this video that isn’t deeply disturbing.

Here are some highlights:

0:01: One second in, and this person clearly has no concept of where Minnie’s head is facing. Also, why is this video being shot in a stairwell?

0:03: The balloons aren’t filled with helium so when this person waves, they’re really just waving around a bunch of sad balloons. It’s like they forgot they were holding balloons in the first place.

0:06: Why did the person in the Minnie costume walk up the steps and then down them? Was there someone off-camera shooing them down the steps and whispering, “You know you can’t leave the basement! Get down there!”? Is this person being forced to wear the Minnie Mouse costume? Are we watching one of those prison performance videos, like when that Filipino prison made all those inmates perform “Thriller”?

0:11: If this is a happy birthday video for one kid, then why did she just say hello to five different kids?

0:22: You know that time Marilyn Monroe sang “Happy Birthday” to the president and it was all breathy and sexy? This is the opposite of that.

0:28: Another clumsy balloon wave. The fact that she(?) is crammed into a stairwell makes it even more depressing.

0:36: This is apparently a video for someone named Aaron Gonzaga, but that sign definitely says “HAPPY BIRTHDAY 3 TODAY AARON GONZARA.” It makes an otherwise desperate video look strangely insincere. If you’re going to force a sad person to wear a Minnie Mouse costume and sing to some kid over the Internet, at least give them an accurate sign.

0:45: The pitch of her voice combined with that little shimmy move makes me wonder if maybe this whole video is some kind of avant-garde art performance and we’re just not in on it. Or maybe this video’s some kind of horrible crime footage? Who knows? That’s art for ya!

0:47 Why did she just violently shake the balloons like that? That actually looked kinda menacing. “See these limp balloons? Well, I’m shakin’ ‘em! And they’re YOU!”

0:55: Not realizing where her head is pointing, Minnie Mouse appears to be talking to the floor now.

1:00: That is the most terrifying giggle I have ever heard.

1:15: She just called herself Mickey Mouse. She is in a Minnie Mouse costume.

1:22: She appears to have run out of things to say and is just clapping and repeating “Happy Birthday, Aaron” until the person with the camera mercifully stops filming.

1:32: “See you soon in Disneyland” sounds like a weird plea when it comes from an adult shouting up at you from a stairwell.

Sorry about the nightmares, everyone!