@tehawesome

How to overcome your icebreaker anxiety

Last week I went from a contractor to a full-time employee at work, which meant I had to attend orientation at the large corporate office.

So I had to do the usual corporate orientation stuff:

Wait in a lobby with a ton of other people
Sit in a big conference room
Listen to an enthusiastic guy read from a PowerPoint
Participate in an icebreaker
Learn about company valu-OH SHIT AN ICEBREAKER?

For me, the worst part of any orientation is the icebreaker. Everybody goes around the room and gives basic info about themselves, and that’s not a problem. But then you have to give a fun fact about yourself. And that’s the worst part of the worst part of any orientation!

I never know what to say there! Do I mention the above-average success of my dumb little Twitter jokes? Nah, too weird. What about the fact that I run a blog for my dog? No, that is also weird. Are all my fun facts Internet-related? Oh crap I think that’s the truth. Is that a fun fact? No, it isn’t. Damn!

But I didn’t panic this time. I was unusually relaxed.

By the time we got to the icebreaker, I’d already figured out the hour-and-a-half public transit commute to the corporate office. I’d figured out that all the other people at orientation were brand new to the company, and that they were going to be working at this location. I’d figured out that I was the only person there from my office, and that nobody was likely to remember me.

So I lied.

I just made up a fun fact when it was my turn and it was over like that. “Hi, I’m Henry, I do this, and I work here, and I can ride a unicycle.” The group leader said “Oh” and we moved on.

And that was it! It turns out, nobody’s there to verify all the fun facts! The entire exercise shifted from an uncomfortable introspective journey to a wacky game where I just make shit up and nobody cares.

It was a smart move on my part*, and I recommend this strategy to anyone with similar icebreaker anxiety.

*Of course, I spent the rest of the day with the irrational fear that someone would turn up with a unicycle and then someone else would yell “hey unicycle guy, go ride that unicycle!” but overall I’d say it was worth it.