“Pssst! Hey! It’s your cell phone! I just wanted to tell you to stay alert and be sa-…
What? What do you mean this isn’t a realistic font to be on a cell phone? Isn’t a cell phone, like, a little computer? Well, that font’s on my computer at home. Why can’t it be on a phone? I think it’s nice. It’s all curvy and I think that’s pretty.
Anyway. I just thought I’d remind you to pay atten-…
Wait. Are you laughing? This is about your safety, people, and all you can do is laugh at my lettering? Listen, I’m a magic cell phone, and I’m just sending you a secret message on a subway. What’s so funny about that? It’s like when Neo got that message from Trinity in The Matrix. Wouldn’t that be cool? You know, receiving random messages from stuff telling you to do things? Like, what if your microwave told you to climb onto your roof? Thrilling!
Hey, screw you, buddy. I really liked The Matrix.
Fine. Don’t listen to me. If you need anything, I’ll be in your pocket, keeping all my cool secret messages to myself. Just don’t let me get stolen out of your pocket because you were too distracted making fun of a well-intentioned but poorly executed ad on the subway.”
“This guy is really good.”
-Some other guy
Meanwhile the first guy is looking at you and making this face that says, “Oh please someone tell me who I am.” Like, maybe he has amnesia and he’s hoping that by putting up this bus ad for a fake book he didn’t write, then maybe his former friends and family will look him up and tell him who he is. “I am so worried about who I am,” he thinks, furrowing his brow. Just furrowing and furrowing, because seriously who is this guy.
Or maybe this whole ad is a wacky joke, and some guys in a fraternity mocked up some false names and quotations on a bus ad, and the one journalism major in Alpha Sigma Whatever-da submitted it to the bus people and they don’t care enough to use Google to fact check, so sure, let’s put this thing up. “Dude, bro, we totally made it sound like The Best Mystery Writer in America is not only an official title, but the type of official title that people talk about the future of.” Then a guy leaning over the first guy’s shoulder says “Bro, dude, we nailed it.” They clink red plastic cups.
Or maybe I’m just not the type of person that bus ads are aimed at.
