17 7 / 2014

hello, my little ravioli dippers. i am still a bad person

hello, my little ravioli dippers. i am still a bad person

(Source: facebook.com)

24 6 / 2014

Bacon and cheese, am I right, Facebook? happy hour is a time for laughs

[more Birds Eye posts]

(Source: facebook.com)

05 6 / 2014

Quick reminder: my great-grandfather founded this company

02 4 / 2014

There are a few things I’ve learned from commenting on the Birds Eye Vegetables Facebook page:

  • People love answering dumb questions. Over 900 people responded to the above post, all of them saying something like “pepper.” It’s like some wealthy lunatic asked, “How could I get hundreds of people to all type ‘pepper’ onto the internet like an absurdist art project?” And here we are, I guess.
  • Birds Eye Vegetables only Likes right answers. See that second screenshot? Do you see the two utter losers with no Likes? That’s because Birds Eye only rewards winners. “Orange pepper”? Have a Like! “Red bell pepper”? LikeTown, Population: You! “Cantalope”? Are you kidding me? Go fuck yourself, idiot.
  • Birds Eye will benevolently chime in to give the right answer if someone isn’t sure. And then people will reply to that reply, because nobody can stop Facebook commenters from shouting “pepper” all over this thread. They see that comment box and they think, “Oh look, a text box! I have to type pepper into that thing!!!”
  • Nobody in the Birds Eye thread really talks to other people, so I feel free to leave multiple comments now. Birds Eye never responds, and other people pretty much just type “red pepper” and continue on with their very important schedules. So, when all comments are viewed chronologically, I look like someone having an argument with an unrelenting army of people who only type “pepper” into comment boxes. I’m basically Neo fighting wave after wave of machines outside the Matrix, only instead of doing kung fu I’m talking about pumpkins a lot.
  • And lastly, this isn’t a thing I learned, really, but I appreciated Nick openly disagreeing with Our Lord and Master Birds Eye Vegetables re: whether that pepper is a pumpkin. I only hope the Birds Eye Facebook page admin is half as amused as we are, but sometimes I imagine some 80s cartoon villain smashing his metal fist against his big desk and shouting, “Curses! They called it a pumpkin again!”

28 1 / 2014

Word to the guy who told the people selling carrots that he hates carrots

(Source: facebook.com)

17 1 / 2014

I’m a monster.

I’m a monster.

(Source: facebook.com)

03 1 / 2014

My great-grandfather Clarence Birdseye founded the Birds Eye Frozen Food Company in 1923. Then in 1929 he sold it to what later became the General Foods Corporation. More recently, however, Birds Eye got a Facebook page and now I leave stupid comments on their posts for some reason.
(Here are other posts where I’ve left dumb comments)

My great-grandfather Clarence Birdseye founded the Birds Eye Frozen Food Company in 1923. Then in 1929 he sold it to what later became the General Foods Corporation. More recently, however, Birds Eye got a Facebook page and now I leave stupid comments on their posts for some reason.

(Here are other posts where I’ve left dumb comments)

(Source: slacktory)

12 8 / 2013

One more.
Previously

One more.

Previously

(Source: facebook.com)

26 4 / 2013

Every fan page post is an opportunity to leave a really stupid comment to amuse yourself.
(FYI Thief is a game, not a dude.)

Every fan page post is an opportunity to leave a really stupid comment to amuse yourself.

(FYI Thief is a game, not a dude.)

25 1 / 2013

"I think teenagers are googling “I hate my mom” and ending up on our page. And then, in their rush to blurt out whatever angry thought is on their mind, they’re just jumping to the comment section and dumping their rage there."

Slacktory: The comments section for our “30 Teenagers Saying ‘I Hate My Mom’ on Facebook” has become an angry teenager mom-hate lounge

Nick pointed out to me that we were getting weird comments on an old post, so I wrote this up to try and explain what’s going on. It’s an odd phenomenon and I still don’t fully understand it, but I think this makes for an interesting read.

(via nickdouglas)