23 4 / 2014
A hipster argument in which one person does not understand what a hipster is
- 1: "Ugh, this is such a hipster neighborhood."
- 2: "This is NOT a hipster neighborhood."
- 1: "Look at all the park space! Tons of trees and shade."
- 2: "I mean, yeah, but that doesn't make it a hipster neighborhood."
- 1: "It's obvious! Just look at the ground! Twigs everywhere. I bet the hipsters are using them to build their dumb hipster nests."
- 2: "Is 'nest' slang for something I don't know about, or... ?"
- 1: "And can you hear the hipsters cawing their weird music from the trees? Fucking hipsters."
- 2: "Those are birds. You're confusing hipsters with birds."
- 1: "Call them what you want, I just don't like hipsters. I mean, sure, it's cute when a baby hipster hatches from an egg, but-"
- 2: "Nope, not hipsters. Definitely birds."
- 1: "Whatever, let's find your car and get out of here before hipsters peck our eyes out, like in that Alfred Hitchcock movie The Hipsters."
- 2: "Pretty sure that movie was called something elseOH GODDAMN IT, I parked my car under this tree and now there's bird shit all over it."
- 1: "Fucking hipsters!"
- 2: "Fucking hipsters."
29 1 / 2013
Person 1 does something they are not supposed to do because it violated social rules or etiquette or whatever.
Person 2 says, “My heavens! Why did you do that thing?”
Person 1 says, “I apologize! I made a simple mistake.”
Person 3 whispers to Person 4, “Did you hear about Person 1? They did that thing!”
Person 4 replies, “I can’t believe that person did that thing given their standing in society! That is a thing they were not supposed to do! We have unspoken rules here.”
Person 3: “I know! it’s outrageous, or rather, the old-timey word for ‘outrageous’! It is the past!”
(Everyone exchanges loaded glances with everyone else, in every scene, forever.)
Person 5 “Electricity and cars! My heavens! Hey did you hear about that thing Person 1 did?”
09 3 / 2010
Hey guys, as I learned from making this joke, the domain yourparentsdivorce.com is currently not in use. So, ya know, if you want a very memorable personal website URL… there’s always that.
Smart businessman: “Remember your parents’ divorce?”
Stupid businessman: “Yeah, I do. It’s a very painful memory.”
Smart businessman: “Okay! Well add a .com to it and that’s where you can find my resume and work samples. Have a good one!”
Stupid businessman: “I’ll be sure to check it out. Right after I get back from therapy.”
Smart businessman: (looking upwards, toward God, probably) “Who needs a firm handshake when your personal web address makes grown men cry? CHA-CHING!” (pumps fist)
See? That’s how you take a traumatic thing and turn it into success.
I hope you find this information useful,