12 1 / 2013
My friend just posted a status on Facebook. It was clearly his girlfriend who posted it, but she posted it under his name. She probably just went on his computer, and he was still signed in, so she posted this cute little message as him:
My girlfriend is the bomb. I love her. I will get her coffee in the morning. I will rub her feet. Whatever she desires, I’m there.
And I think that’s fine. I think newer couples do that. It shows that they’re spending more time together. Maybe they have a strong enough relationship now where it’s okay that she violate his trust just a little bit, just to make this little “My girlfriend is the best” post on his account. I realize that this is probably just a way for her to tell him she likes him.
I also realize that I could fuck everything up for him by commenting, “Which one?”
28 4 / 2011
1) The Sometimes Friend
I went to elementary school with a dude named Bill. Bill was odd in that he’d be your friend one week, and the next he wouldn’t talk to you. By middle school, he’d moved away. Up until then, I thought Bill’s behavior was specific to me until a friend said, “Remember Bill? That dude was a total fairweather friend.” Others agreed. Bill was weird like that with everyone, apparently.
So when he sent me a friend request on Facebook a couple years ago - nearly a decade later - I accepted. Whatever, dude. Water under the bridge, right? Good to be Internet friends with you. Can’t wait to go through your vacation photos for no reason.
According to Facebook, his girlfriend went to the same college as me, so it’s possible he found me because she and I were in the same network. Apparently, he was going to another college nearby. Weeks had passed since he added me, so one day I figured I’d send him a message and ask if he was ever in town. If he’s around, then why not get a beer or something, right?
But then I couldn’t get to his profile to send him a message. Because he had unfriended me.
For no reason, I’d guess. We hadn’t even corresponded with each other yet. Disappointing, but not surprising, I guess. Should’ve seen it coming.
2) Social Makeup Girl
I went to high school with a girl named Regina. Regina was pretty, and hung with the popular crowd. She always wore makeup to the point where you noticed, “hey, she’s wearing makeup,” but she was nice. She was quiet, but I got the idea she might be party girl outside of school. (Isn’t that what you assume the popular crowd does outside of school? Go to drunken parties all the time?) I don’t think she was necessarily a shallow person, but my interactions with her were always short and polite, lacking any real substance, and I was cool with that.
Flash forward 9 years later, and she’s sending me a Facebook friend request. And guess what? We have over 75 friends in common. Over seventy-five! Wow! You’d think we were good friends, given that number! Whoa!
I click through to her profile pictures and in a few of them, she’s wearing so much makeup she kinda looks like The Joker. (But, like, a sexy, partying Joker? Is that a thing?) Either way, nobody in the last 9 years had sat her down and told her that the point of makeup isn’t for people to think “Wow, she’s wearing a lot of makeup!” But whatever. My point is, the makeup thing was not a high school phase. It was a lifestyle, apparently.
And, while I don’t think that a Facebook friendship is a sacred bond built on trust and mutual admiration, I still think it’s a kind of a dick move to send out friend requests to everyone you vaguely recognize. So, imagine how pleasantly surprised I was when Regina had included a personal message with her Facebook friend request!
I opened the friend request email, and it said this:
Regina wants to be friends with you on Facebook.
[Thumbnail image of her smiling, super-tanned face]
Regina says, “Include a personal message…”.
How sweet. She somehow sent me the default message text that’s supposed to disappear as soon as you click inside the personal message form field.
I wondered, did she send that same message to the other 75 people that we share as friends, or was I special? Was she maintaining our tradition of being vaguely aware of each other while she stayed pretty and I stayed judgmental on the Internet, or did it just work out that way? Sometimes it’s reassuring to know that things don’t change.