Behind the Vine: Street Goose
I think ultimately this Vine where I’m shouting at a goose is about Mother Nature vs. Technology.
I found this goose sitting in a mall parking lot, in this little lane that cars use to turn around. This is a terrible place for a goose, so I thought maybe I’d chase it away, because dude, goose, there are cars here. Get out.
But as I ran closer, shouting “street goose street goose street goose” at the street goose, I noticed something: there was another goose on one of those sad little parking lot islands with wood chips and like two rocks on them. Presumably, this other goose was the street goose’s girlfriend. Well, shit. He’s not sitting in the street just because he’s a hip, urban goose. He’s protecting a nest.
Ugh. Geese.
I’m going to be real with any geese reading this: Don’t settle down in a parking lot. You may think, “Hey man, it’s springtime, I just got back from South For the Winter, I’m going to knock up my girlfriend and raise some goslings near a mall. We’ll live off food court dumpster food, and maybe name one of the goslings Ryan as a funny joke.”
But geese, I’ve got news for you: That is a stupid idea. You don’t even understand what a car is. So you’re out in the street trying to be a good dad and all you’re doing is hissing at rolling metal monsters who hiss back way louder and also those monsters have more monsters (i.e. humanity) inside them so seriously what are you even doing, goose.
Go live in the woods. Go be a woods goose.
