14 1 / 2013

Today I learned that the Trix Rabbit has been endlessly pursuing Trix since the late 1950s. That’s insane.

What’s even more messed up is that General Mills admits they let him have Trix, but only twice:

Foiled repeatedly since 1957 by being told,“Silly Rabbit, Trix are for kids,” the Trix Rabbit eventually tasted Trix in 1976 and 1980 following box-top voting campaigns.

Have children EVER thought the Trix Rabbit didn’t deserve to eat breakfast cereal? It’s like General Mills is saying, “Hey kids, we kept Trix away from this rabbit! You’re welcome!” and kids are like “Dude, what the fuck? We don’t care.”

Kids voted for him to have the cereal twice before I was even born. And come to think of it, they pulled that same type of write-in campaign bullshit with me when I was a kid. From what I remember, the Trix Rabbit won a race, and the winner got a box of cereal(!). The Trix Rabbit won, and then some asshole kid in the commercial was like, “Wait a minute, rabbits can’t win a race and get cereal! What do you think, kids?” And then the kids voted for one of two options (and I’m paraphrasing here): “Don’t give him the cereal” and “Just give him the fucking cereal already, Jesus Christ what the fuck.”

Then of course the kids voted to let him have the goddamn Trix, because what type of monsters would delight in watching a rabbit suffer for decades? General Mills made a commercial to announce the results. It showed the Trix Rabbit getting the trophy but not the Trix (the kids in the commercial stole it), and then the commercial ended with the Trix Rabbit sobbing with a gun barrel in his mouth? I could be wrong; my memory’s fuzzy. Maybe they didn’t let him keep the trophy, I don’t remember.

The most messed up thing is that he’s the TRIX RABBIT. He’s named after the very thing he’s forbidden from having. Like if my Uncle Steve got through AA and stayed sober, we wouldn’t keep calling him The Whiskey Uncle because he can’t drink whiskey anymore.