Nintendo’s Wii U Announcement Trailer was insane
Nintendo unveiled their new Wii last night. It’s basically a more powerful Wii with a controller that has a camera and a big touchscreen on it.
In their announcement trailer, they briefly showed how two people can video chat with the controller. Their demo went like this:
Girl: (to guy on Wii controller screen) “Want to go cycling?”
Guy (to girl on his Wii controller screen): “Cycling, that sounds awesome!”
Girl, grabbing her dog for some reason: “Basket! Lowest lie low.” (Seriously, this is unintelligible.)
Guy, petting the image of her dog with his fingers: “Oh, Daffy, are you okay?” (I’m guessing. No idea what he’s saying here.)
Girl: “Bye!”
(You can watch it here if you want.)
Pretty standard conceptual video, right? It’s just two people using a new Thing You Should Buy, in a setting we can all relate to! Who doesn’t call up their friends to talk about cycling and then hug a dog? How relatable!
And yet, the demo didn’t sit right with me. I have so many questions.
If they just agreed to go cycling, why did that girl pull her dog into view? Are the girl and the guy still going cycling or what?
How come they both started speaking in tongues as soon as she grabbed her dog? Is her dog magic? Or did they both start talking gibberish because they were having strokes?
Does the new Nintendo console give you strokes? If so, are the strokes free or do you have to buy some sort of add-on for the strokes?
But most of all, I suppose my biggest question is why did that guy try to pet the dog using the touchscreen? You see him rubbing his fingers on the image of that confused dog and instead of marveling at this wonderful new piece of technology all I can think is “Clearly this new Nintendo console is only for crazy people.”
Nice work, Nintendo.
One time I actually tried to find a bunch of screenshots from Bioshock to show my girlfriend all the cool Art Deco buildings and posters in the game, but I kept having to skip over all the ones that included dudes getting shot at and/or dead dudes.
Relationships are hard.
This is a photo of a salon in my neighborhood. A salon run by liars.
You know how they’re liars? Because that lady in the top right corner didn’t go to that salon to make her hair all pretty. Oh no, she’s not even real.
She lives in a computer.
That’s Yuna from Final Fantasy X. You know how I know that? Because I am a dang nerd, and it’s my job to take camera phone pics of dumb video game crap on storefronts.
That lady’s hair is made of polygons, and unless that salon has a magic sink that dispenses 3D shapes from a fantasy world of magic and dragons, then I’m pretty sure we’re all being horribly misled. That salon probably just has shampoo or some boring shit like that.
I saw that sign and my brain went like this:
- That lady isn’t even real. Why are they using her to sell real services?
- Didn’t that lady save the world once? Like, on a Playstation, I mean.
- Welp, better get out my cell phone and tell the Internet about it.
In conclusion, look at that video game lady. She clearly did not get her hair done at that salon. Isn’t that interesting?
